Mortified Cow is our copywriting business: we provide personalityful words for small businesses who want to have more fun and make more money.

Want to know more? Here’s a Q&A to give you some info about what we do, who we’re for, and why there are actually no cows involved whatsoever.

What sort of writing services do you offer?

  • Website text
  • “About us” pages (as opposed to the entire website)
  • Automated email sequences
  • Sign-up incentives
  • Marketing materials (brochures, flyers, etc.)
  • Business video scripts
  • And more! If you have a business need for it, we can probably write it for you

Where does the name Mortified Cow come from?

We have no flipping clue – we just plucked it completely out of the air one day. You’ve got to worry about the contents of our subconscious, really.

Why on earth did you think “Mortified Cow” would be a good name for a business?

Because – despite the lack of hilarious backstory – the name says something important about us.

To a lot of people, it says “We’re not serious enough for your Very Important Business. Go over there and talk to Platinum Corporate Solutions instead.”

But to a few other people – the ones we want to work with – it says “We’re going to write something that really puts across the excitement and uniqueness of your business – and have fun doing it.”

Why is personalityful writing so important for a business?

Having a business with personality means the right people (the ones you most want to work with) will be drawn to you and willing to pay a premium to do business with you.

Sure, you’ll alienate some of the “wrong” people, but who cares? When your dream customers come into contact with you for the first time, they’ll think “Holy shiz, this was MADE for me!”

Your magnetic personality will also keep customers coming back for more, and make it way more likely that they’ll talk about you with their friends.

Got it! But is personalityful writing enough to make my millions?

Good gosh no! Your text needs to be more than just sarcastic, or quirky, or silly, or dry. You’re not going to get very far with your business if your homepage text just says “Woohoo I farted!” – no matter how funny your dream customers think that is.

Your text needs to clearly explain what you do. It needs to convey your value, and what people will get out of working with you or buying your product. It needs to show how you intend on making the world a better place for your customers.

Don’t worry if you struggle to explain what you do or how you provide value to people: that’s what we’re here for.

Say I want to work with you… what do I do next?

Fill in the form at the bottom of this page!

Then what?

Then we contact you to find out more about you and your project, and after that we get started:

  1. We work with you to identify why you’re amazing, who you’re amazing for, and how to prove it.
  2. We write the text for your site, emails, marketing materials – whatever you like – so that it’s full of your personality and explains effectively why your dream customers would be absolute dummies not to work with you.

We charge by the day, and will happily give you an estimate once we’ve learnt more about your project.

How can I be sure you know what you’re doing?

Good question!

Check out some of our work and decide for yourself.

Website text:

“About us” pages:

We’ve stripped out all the design and most of the formatting so that you’re not distracted by any of it.

Automated email sequences:

Want examples of sales pages, sign-up incentives, or other marketing materials?

Let us know and we’ll send you some!

Are you good to work with?

We think we are! Having said that, we tend to be pretty darned enthusiastic (it probably grates on some people), and we’re ridiculously inquisitive. Seriously – by the time we’ve finished working together, we could answer a quiz show’s worth of questions about you. But there’s method in our nosiness: you never know when an off-hand remark in response to a strange question will spark a brilliant idea for your text.

Apart from a kick-off call at the start, all our correspondence with you will be over email. Inside those emails might be the odd virtual high-five, silly 30 Rock-related gif, or CAPITALISATION OF LETTERS TO CONVEY OUR EXCITEMENT. Just to warn you.

Oh and also, we’re opinionated. We take our time to understand your business from the inside out, and we’re extremely confident about what we come up with as a result. We won’t blindly accept your requests for text changes just to keep the peace: if we think you’re being doolally, we’ll tell you.

Here’s what a few brave (yet wise) souls have said about working with us:

“Mish and Rob wrote really wonderful copy for my raw food website – they introduced a much-needed element of fun, and simplified the text to make it far easier to understand. People who’ve seen the text have been lit up by it – that’s really impressive!”

Russell James,

“Mish and Rob are seriously AWESOME!  My ‘About me’ page is the talk of the town – everyone is asking ‘Who wrote that?!’

After asking me a few questions, Mish and Rob knew exactly what I needed and wanted. Their understanding about ME and my products was SPOT ON and written SO incredibly well.

The two of them are forever my go-to guys for all my text!”

Julie Montagu,

“Mish and Rob did a great job in writing a newsletter for my online business.

They’re passionate, smart and kind… Their copy was not only attractive and efficient, but had a unique touch and a warm style.

Definitely recommended!”

Vincent Le Moign,

“Mish and Rob did a great job helping us write Daniel’s ‘About Me’ in preparation for the release of his solo classical piano album.

They really helped to bring out a fun, quirky side to what can sometimes be seen as a boring genre! Everything was easy and helpful and we felt that personalised service despite being all the way here in Australia and the process being 100% online. We’re really looking forward to launching Daniel’s online presence soon and couldn’t have done it without their help!”

Roz and Daniel Cooper,

“Mish helped me edit and format Packed: The Food Entrepreneur’s Guide – How To Get Noticed And How To Be Loved.

Her experience of book writing and publishing, her attention to detail, her ruthless editing, insistence on clarity, and suggestions on structuring it made a daunting process exciting, speedy and really enjoyable.”

Tessa Stuart,

Surprisingly, I haven’t been put off working with you

Onwards to the form!

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.